Daily Silly Status

I can`t understand why women are okay that JCPenney has an older women`s clothing line named, "Sag Harbor."

During Sex you burn as much calories as running 5 miles ... Who the f*ck runs 5 miles in 30 seconds.

I like people. I just don`t want them talking to me. Or breathing near me. Or making me look up from my phone.

If you really want to get under someone`s skin these days, just leave them a voicemail.

Don`t give me a sec, give me lots of secs.

I love my friends unconditionally.* *Certain terms and conditions may apply. May not be available on all days. Coverage not available in all locations.Offer good for 30 days.Requires two-year minimum agreement. Fees applied for activation and early termination.

Hey! Did any of you see my........ Oh ! Never mind... :D How much of you said that before? heee heee hee!

thinks my life is becoming a very complicated drinking game.

Must be lonely over there on "I`m offended by jokes" island.

I sometimes worries about my short attention span, ...but not for very L... hey! ... look at that squirrel!

If I owned an auto collision shop, I’d name it “Auto Correct.”

My doctor said I’m healthy enough for sex, just not attractive enough.

If you think my status updates are ridiculous you should see my life choices

I can`t go to sleep if any of my apps need to be updated, but will drive my car with the check engine light until it explodes.

Here`s a crazy trick to avoid looking fat in pictures: Lose weight.