Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
is about to stick a pin in your voodoo doll... brace yourself.
Iām going to start telling women that Iām available for a limited time only in hopes that their shopping instinct kicks in.
If you allow your pets to roam free in our neighborhood, I`m gonna put party hats on em. This is non-negotiable.
Just found out that Iām 53 Cheetos tall.
like this if you are against animal cruelty
I passed a homeless guy who asked "Any change!?" I said "Nope, your still dirty and homeless". We laughed and laughed and then he stabbed me
When my kids ask what a word means, I tell them to bring me a dictionary. Then I smack them with it, and tell them to Google that shi t.
Going to one of those places where you chop down your own Christmas tree, and then try to get away before they catch you.
I can take care of my drunk friends, so the responsibility of having children doesn`t worry me.
Doctors waiting room needs some music. And better lighting. And more women. And a pole in the middle of the room. And a buffet.
That first kiss in the morning is so special, and the dog enjoys it too.
If people could hear the next five seconds after we hit end call, we would all have no friends.
Within 2 minutes, I can gather enough things to allow me to sit and watch tv without getting up for at least 4 hours... Don`t question my laziness
Well it`s almost time for that " New Year -- New Me " bullsh_t again!
Getting another set of teeth would be much more useful at age 60 than age 6.