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Never look back. That’s where all the monsters are.
Change of plans everyone: NOBODY Wang Chung tonight.
I hate the snow so much, I want to build a snowman just so I can punch it in its face.
There`s no point in using a big word, when an infinitesimally diminutive one will do.
It`s ok computer, I go to sleep after 20 minutes of inactivity too.
If electricity comes from electrons… does that mean that morality comes from morons?
It’s strange to think that the sound of nature is the sound of millions of animals desperately trying to get laid.
There are two ways to go about arguing with a woman and neither one works.
The guest of honour was a bit subdued. The Keyboardist was playing too softly for my liking. But it was a good turnout, lots of food and laughter. But break out into one choreographed `Thriller` dance routine and the crowd goes all apesh!t and tosses you out of the funeral home.
I bet genies were a real thing until one jerk wished for genies not to exist anymore.
The key to eating healthy is to avoid any food that has a TV commercial.
Women say they want a guy who can make them laugh. I`d probably have done better if they`d specified that they didn`t mean by tickling.
The moment when someone says a word and everyone laughs, including you and then someone goes, "Do you know what that means?" and you go "No, not really."
"Half a dozen" because saying `6` is way too long...
How long do I have to lay on the couch in the same position before I can call it "yoga"?