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While everyone may not speak the same language, we all know what time McDonald’s stops serving breakfast.
Why is it that people who drink energy drinks seem like the people with the least amount of stuff going on?
I had to defrost the fridge last night before bed. Or foreplay, as she calls it.
I hate when its dark and my brain is like “Hey you know what we haven’t thought of in a while?” Monsters.
I was an adult once. Then I opened a Facebook account.
After watching copious amounts of crime dramas I`ve come to the conclusion that serial killers only target women who wear matching bra and pantie sets. Feeling much safer now.
Hey chicks that only post inspirational shit: we know you’re nuts.
They should make an app that tells me how many Oreos I can eat for every mile I jog.
I don`t have a drinking problem, I just celebrate everything! Like the fact that shirts have armholes, I`ll be celebrating that tonight.
I’d be 100x more motivated if Samuel L. Jackson yelled at me to get things done.
If your single and you know it…Pet your cat!
If you insist on sending me pics of your boobs please at least be a female!!
That awkward moment when you leave a store without buying anything and all you can think is "act natural, you`re innocent".
I`m starting to think I overuse exclamation points. It ends today. Right now. I`ll never ever use one again. I`m so excited about it. Yes.
I danced like no one was watching but someone was watching, thought I was having a seizure and called an ambulance