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When we give each other a thumbs up, it`s our way of mocking every other animal on earth.
I’m always frank with my sexual partners. Don’t want them knowing my real name.
People saying "Laugh my a$$ off" and still having an a$$ next time I see them is the reason I have trust issues.
Married men should forget their mistakes. There is no need for two people, to remember the same thing.
bored out of my mind in class i began staring into space... space happened to be right in front of me at the time...
Sarcasm is funnier when used on people who don`t understand it.
Does this 50 pound bag of cat food make me look single?
I would really like to help you move your furniture tomorrow but I’m going to be too busy sitting on mine
My wife complains about everything I do. It`s like she doesn`t know there are "Sexy singles in my area" that want to meet with me.
You call it Sushi, I call it bait.
What`s the point of blurring out the middle finger on TV, like oh you`ve fooled me, what`s behind that blur? Is it a monkey? A pencil?
It`s really cold out there folks. If you`re heading to Wal-Mart, please wear two pairs of pajamas.
It’s not what you wear; it’s how you take it off.
Chillin: the art of doing nothing without being bored.
What I’m really looking for in a friend is loyalty. And a pool. Mainly just a pool.