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It has been brought to my attention that those stick figure decals on vehicles are not "kill" scores, but actually suppose to represent members of the family. I will be removing all my decals to avoid any further confusion.
I`m running low on funny but I have plenty of sexy left.
I totally tricked this woman into sleeping with me. All I had to do was put a ring on her finger and live with her for the rest of my life.
pudding... thats always a funny word
Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.
Somewhere in America, a woman has a baby every 47 minutes. We`ve got to find this woman and stop her!
Instead of presidential debates, we should just have a dance-off.
I have difficulty sleeping at night because I lay awake obsessing over life`s mysteries, like how exactly does paper beat rock.
I love everybody. Some I love to be around, some I love to avoid, and others I love to punch in the face.
The key to a successful relationship: Tools > Internet Options > Clear history.
I believe in sharing the road with other drivers. They can have the part behind me.
If your girlfriend says she`s going out to run some errands and comes back with 6 bags from the mall...You might be dating my wife.
I self medicate, therefore you live.
When you are on a first date and she says to you: "I want you to treat me like a movie star," it is vitally important to establish which type of movie
Are you still bored? Head over to Walmart, take a box of condoms to the checkout clerk, and ask where the fitting room is.