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If a man speaks at sea where no women can hear, is he still wrong?
That moment you realize that the person who proofread Hitler`s speeches was indeed a Grammar Nazi.
when is humpty dumpty going to hatch?
I`m now at the age where if I see a nice nursing home, I make a mental note of it.
I wonder if the Happy Birthday wishes I send out to my Facebook friends would mean the same to them if they knew that I was sitting on the toilet.... LOL
Comcast is doing home security now so if your house is being robbed they will get the police there on Tuesday between the hours of 8 & 12.
Whats the definition of a tree? Something that stands still for forty years then suddenly jumps out in front of a woman driver.
Women are fascinated by mythical creatures like unicorns, vampires, and men who are good listeners...
Marriage: an expensive way to get your laundry done for free..
New research reported that men enjoy snuggling. A second study showed that men will say anything to get a researcher into bed.
When I`m in a good mood I act like I`m I`m in a bad mood so nobody approaches me and ruins my good mood.
Screw you recommended serving size. You don’t know me.
Thank god we don`t send messages with pigeons anymore. Where would I find 200 pigeons every day?
The best part of winter coming is that all the bugs are rotting in hell where they belong.
I spend my weekends farting in libraries and then shushing people that complain.