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To all them girls who go out , looking sexy as hell but have boyfriends.......Please continue to do so when you`re married.
If you hold out your arms like Frankenstein when walking in a leg brace, people let you cut in line at Starbucks.
Don`t rush me. I`m waiting for the last minute.
I didn`t text you. Vodka texted you.
I don’t repeat gossip, so listen carefully
i just caught a disease so rare that even i dont have it .
There’s no “I” in team and coincidentally none in "Go f*ck yourself" either.
You never know how dirty a song`s lyrics are until you hear a child sing them.
Things I do everyday: 1.Get up 2.Survive 3.Go back to bed
I`ve come to the point where I don`t even procrastinate anymore ... I just don`t do it.
I`m reaching the point where I really hope it`s not possible to be annoyed to death.
Still waiting on the "Once you go black, you`ll never go back" episode of Mythbusters.
I’ve taken off my pants in most malls that I’ve been to.
The awkward moment when you’ve already said “what?” three times and still have no idea what the person said, so you just agree.
"kill it before it lays eggs" - is my standard suggestion to any problem