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Prostitution must be a hole sale business.
With the right person, you can talk about absolutely nothing for hours & feel like you spoke about everything.
To the squirrel carrying the mushroom up a tree to his nest: you may want to eat that with your feet firmly on the ground, buddy.
I think once we get past the restraining orders, court dates, and the stalking charges we can really make this relationship work.
I don`t care if it`s a kidnapping/murder; if you tell me a monkey will be involved, I`m 97% more likely to participate.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
My son asked me to explain women to him, so I bought him an XBOX game for his Playstation.
Just did a weeks worth of cardio after walking into a spider`s web.
How many divorced guys does it take to change a lightbulb?...........Who cares, they NEVER get the house anyways
Iām not shy, Iām just really good out figuring out who is not worth talking to.
My "check engine" light came on while driving to work this morning. I looked and the engine is still there...silly light.
I just assume that when a restaurant automatically adds 15% to the bill for a tip that the service is going to suck.
Why would I dance like nobody`s watching? People need to see this.
Men are like a fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it`s up to women to stomp the shit out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with!!
No thanks, NASCAR. If I wanted to spend 8 hrs watching a car drive around in a big circle, I`d go on a road trip with my mom.