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I can tell exactly how much someone weighs by how much noise they make when I push them down the stairs.
Hey ladies breastfeeding in public,...Why don`t you ever smile in my pictures?
I do 5 situps every morning. I know it doesn`t sound like much, but there`s only so many times one can hit the "snooze" button......
The older I get .... The more dangerous it is to sneeze
Laughter is the best medicine but if you are laughing without any reason, I think you need medicine
On a math test: 2+2 = ? Me: *Use calculator just in case
The problem with the world today is that intelligent people are too smart to have children.
Sorry, I can’t today. My sister’s friend’s mother’s grandfather’s brother’s grandson’s uncle’s fish died, and yes, it was tragic.
I’m right 97% of the time…who cares about the other 4%.
God is creative... I mean look at me??
Just wrote ‘You have no new messages’ on a piece of paper, put it in a bottle and threw it far out to sea.
"This is so wrong," I say excitedly, my heart racing, my hands trembling as I butter a donut
You know what they say about men with big feet ;)..........We always have trouble finding shoes that fit.
I wish I was Robinson Cruso. Coz, I can have `Friday` everyday :) TGIF guys..cheers ;)
Do you ever get the feeling that you`re being watched? Because if it`s bothering you, I`ll stop.