Daily Silly Status

If you watch COPS backwards it`s just a bunch of people overcoming miraculous obstacles to win free drugs

I just ran 3.5 miles in 30 minutes! Ha! Just kidding, I ate some ice cream.

I don`t exactly have a "to do" list. I have what you might call "If I ever log off Facebook and feel like getting around to doing it" list.

Superman wears his underwear outside his pants and he`s a "hero". But I do, and I`m "weird", "creepy" and "never invited over again."

Saw a Mime doing his gig. I reached into my purse and pretended to throw money in his hat.

I use profanity, the way Picasso used a paint brush

This is why my kids dont take me places anymore ... Waitress: “Do u have any questions about the menu?” Me: ” Yes, What kind of font is this?”

I`ll just admire you from afar.. Or 500ft. That`s what this paper says.

You really can`t say your laundry is done unless you are completely naked

I like to gaze up at the stars at night and think about how somewhere there is intelligent life that hates doing laundry as much as I do.

I was trying to have a mature arguement but "look, you ignorant f*cktard" just popped out

I`ve decided that throughout the time period starting with Thanksgiving, continuing on to Christmas and ending on New Years Day, the term `Calories" regarding all food shall be referred to as "Deliciousness Points."

There was no bonus fry at the bottom of the bag. But the story has a happy ending. I found it later in my sports bra.

Adulthood is basically sadness and paying bills.

Sometimes I get mad about having to unload the dishwasher but then I remember a machine just washed my dishes for me.