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If this world got any smaller I`d probably fall off - George T. Ignace
Doctor says I`m morbidly a beast. Thanks doc.
My mind says diet, but my stomach is all SHUT UP BITCH.
Congratulations, U.S. Government, you are now officially more embarrassing than Miley Cyrus
I fake my LOLs
I dreamt I was you..I hated myself. Luckily I woke up..woah that was close.
Nothing like a brisk morning jog to start the day! Just kidding! I don`t do that.
Cut out the middleman and just list 911 as your emergency contact.
In about 20 years, that cherry tattoo on your cleavage is gonna look like a pair of raisins and that butterfly you got tatted on back is gonna look like a moth.
When you leave store without buying anything and all you can think is `keep calm, you`re innocent`.
I told you a million times do not exaggerate!
I hope common sense is the next cool trend.
Good For OJ, he gets to take another stab at life..
If you catch a homeless couple having sex is it rude to tell them to "get a room"?
Mosquito`s and parking inspectors must be from the same family...