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Wanna screw with your idiot friends on Facebook? Post that Obama passed a law to stay in office a third term this morning. Praise Jesus.
Despite the old saying, "Don`t take your troubles to bed," many women still sleep with their husbands.
I remember when vodka was just vodka flavored ...
is spending my children´s inheritance.
Highschool Reunion? What for ? I`m on Facebook. I already know who got fat.
If jail isn`t supposed to be fun, why do they get bunk beds?
If I don`t clean my house soon, someone is going to bring in blindfolded ppl for a Frebreeze commercial.
Wisdom for the day is , hot cheetos are not breakfast.
Look for my new diet book: "How To Work Out And Watch What You Eat And Still Gain Plenty Of Weight"
Did you know? If you were to watch all of the Saw films, it would take you 666 minutes?
They should just go ahead and put a volume setting on my TV that says "Eating Doritos".
I just want to be rich enough to tell my boss, "you`re not the boss of me"!
The problem with some people is that they’re alive.
My favorite in-laws are the ones that don`t exist.
The Eskimo´s allegedly have 52 words for snow. I have several words for snow also!