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I just saw a hot mom at McDonalds spank her kid after he threw his fries on the ground, so I threw my fries on the ground too.
I hate when my girlfriend accuses me of something I didn`t think she knew about.
I´m (insert your name) BITCHES!!!! Deal with that.
Are security guards at Samsung stores called Guardians of the Galaxy?
The whole purpose of vacationing is to make you appreciate knowing where the channels are at home.
Yes, I dance in my car. Yes, I see you staring at me. No, I do not care.
John has 35 candy bars. If John eats 27 of them what does he have? .... Diabetes. John has diabetes.
To all the NSA agents reading this right now, I just want to say sorry that my life is so boring.
Next time a guy says he wants to fight you, just say "not in that outfit!" and roller skate away
Lower your expectations and I will totally amaze you.
Have you ever wondered about the look on someone`s face if you hide under their bed and grab their foot in the middle of the night? Just something to think about.....goodnight!
Admit it, you`ve answered Dora at least once in your life.
Weird how old people suddenly stop being so deaf the second you put music they don’t like on
Opposites attract, that`s the trouble with being awesome
Just got done putting up all the garage sale signs. Hope the neighbor appreciates how much work I put into their surprise garage sale.