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My neighbors complained about all the loud sex they are hearing from my house. So now I have to buy some headphones for my computer.
Just once I would like to read a warning label that says "May cause permanent weight loss, remove wrinkles, and increase energy."
My credit card company says I have an outstanding balance. I’m flattered.
One of the greatest things about owning a dog is how happy they are to see you even though you just stepped out of the house for 30 seconds.
There is no harm in imitating a porn movie. But stopping in between because you are imitating the buffering part (!), is unacceptable.
"There`s a sleeping person. Let`s go ask it questions." – Children
I`m sorry baby, but me & you are not going to work out. We are going to watch tv.
Every day I struggle between “I wanna look good naked” and “treat yourself.”
hmmmm...halo or horns today??
Daylight Savings makes us lose an hour... It’s kind of like Facebook.
SNAUGHLING: Laughing so hard you snort, then laugh because you snorted, then snort because you laughed.
Facebook`s list of "suggested friends" is quite literally a list of people I`ve been avoiding my entire life.
Surveys say 1 out of every 2 people suck at math. It`s terrible that 80% of the population can`t even do the easiest calculations.
It`s damn funny when a wife think`s she`s punishing her husband by not talking to him for days..
Frozen water balloon fights... not a good idea.