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I think my front door faces the wrong direction. People keep finding it.
You can always tell the guys that masturbate a lot by looking at their hands. If you look close enough you can see their wedding ring.
Yikes. don`t google "cream pies", google "cream pie recipes"
Is it really necessary for the first square of toilet paper to be glued down?
If you don`t put your leftovers in Tupperware for like at least two weeks before throwing it in the trash... you`re doing it wrong.
First world problems: I couldn’t hear the TV so I had to stop eating chips.
If Crunch Berries aren`t considered fresh fruit I don`t think this diet is going to work out.
Don`t feel bad, alot of people don`t have talent either
Unless you fell on the treadmill, nobody wants to hear about your workout.
No matter how many lives you have in Candy Crush, you’ll still never get your own back.
Sure thing.... follow me... I`ll show you the fastest way to get to nowhere.
"No! Don`t leave me! I need you! Nooooo!" I say as my laptop cords slowly slides off my bed onto the floor.
They say you are what you eat. I don`t remember eating a sexy beast this morning...
FANNNN...DANNNNN....GOOOOO. Breathe The A`s.
When you think about how big the Earth is, then how small it is compared to the Sun, and how the Sun is just a speck of dust in the universe, it`s easy to justify eating an entire chocolate cake.