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No thanks, alcohol free mouthwash, my life is depressing enough.
I love going for walks in the rain. You can pee your pants and no one will be the wiser.
Apparently not checking the mail is not a valid excuse for not paying your bills. The more you know.
I`ve come to terms with the fact that I will never experience leftover pizza.
Step One: Always have a solid alibi.
Hello is this HP? I’d like to make a return. I ordered a Laser Jet and you sent me a printer.
*Learns sign language to keep arguing with boyfriend while giving the silent treatment*
I’m “had to actually call a girl on the home phone to ask her out while hoping my mom didn’t pick up and start dialing” years old.
Which emoticon indicates the desire to cover someone with fire ants?
If you come to myspace and twitter about my yahoo, can I google over your facebook?
Decided to get in touch with my feminine side today... I made myself a sandwich!
I swear, if one more person calls me an alcoholic they are getting a high five too.
All I want is to see you smile...that and maybe a pizza.
Never change. Unless you’re an a$$hole. Then you should probably change a little.
Sometimes when I’m feeling lonely, I head on over to Best Buy and pretend to know nothing about my phone.