Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m so sick and tired of my friends who can`t handle their alcohol. The other night they dropped me 3 times while carrying me to the car.
"I love Justin bieber" well I love McDonalds but you don`t see me making an account pretending to be a f*cking chicken nugget do you...
happy 3rd birthday to the tartar sauce in my fridge
If you say "I slept like a baby" in front of me, I`ll ALWAYS assume you woke up every 2 hours, pissed yourself and cried for your mommy.
They say that nobody is perfect, then they say that practice makes perfect. I wish they`d make up their mind
They say you`re not supposed to go to the grocery store when you`re hungry. It`s been several days now, what should I do?
Today please just pretend I wrote something hilarious, click like, and move on down the news feed.
I wish I could have the Price Is Right audience around whenever Iām making important life decisions.
If thought bubbles appeared over our heads, I would get punched in the face a lot more.
If noone comes from the future to stop you, how bad of a decision could it really be?
However lonely you feel, you`re never alone. [There are literally millions of bugs, mites and bacteria living in your house.] Goodnight.
You say toilet, I say alcohol vomit receptacle.
No one answers their phones anymore... If I ever get arrested, I don`t want a damn phone call, I want a facebook posting.
A new study has found that men have a hard time reading women`s facial expressions. Main reason? They usually aren`t looking at her face.
Me: I must be out of my mind. Me: You and me both.