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I want to spend the rest of my life photo bombing the Google street view camera shots dressed as Waldo.
I`d like to give a special thanks to my feet for supporting me and to my arms for being by my side at all times.
Recipes sound good until you realize that you don`t have $846 worth of spices in your house.
My left buttcheek fell asleep. I`m Half-a$$ing everything I do for the next ten minutes.
When ever I have a panic attack, I put a brown paper bag over my mouth and drink all the rum inside. It seems to help.
That moment when you realize the object of #WeightWatchers is NOT see who can score the most points...
I need a partner in wine.
The best person to get thrown in jail with would have to be the Kool-Aid Man.
My name is Fred and I`m a survivor. If you are out there..if anyone is out there. I can provide food/shelter..Anybody please....U are not alone....
If you are not sweating while doing it...then you are doing it wrong.
My bed is half full - Lonely optimist.
I hate sneezing during sex, as it alerts the neighbours and lets them know I`m watching.
Day 10: I am thankful there are only 20 days left for all my friends to be thankful about how awesome their lives are.
"We have HBO" - apparently still a bragging point in the motel industry.
The early bird gets the worm! So does the late bird. They all get worms all the time; there`s tons of those things. Relax, there will always be a lota worms......