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There`s no law against twerking...but apparently it`s still frowned upon during jury duty.
"..::. :.:.. ::...: .:. :.:: ::.: ..::. :: ::.:..." - Stevie Wonder-
Being cremated is my last hope for a smoking hot body!
It`s possible you drank too much if you have to wait until your court appearance to find out what the hell happened that night
The day I can get a correct order at a fast food establishment is the day I will support an increase in minimum wage.
People who talk to themselves tend to be better lovers. Did you know that? Yes, I did know that. Thank you for asking.
Of all the martial arts, Karaoke inflicts the most pain.
Stalking is when two people go for a long romantic walk together but only one of them knows about it.
homework wont kill me, but why take the risk!
My internet was down for almost 4 mins,im ok but the 911 operator was a total b**ch about it!
They always say "love makes the world go around"... They spelled beer wrong.
When a male octopus finds a mate, he rips off his happy place and throws it at the female octopus so she can inseminate herself. Then the male grows a new happy place. If that isn`t the most epic way to tell someone to go $*&# themselves, I don`t know what is!
A 15 year old took gold in the Olympics and then there is me whose greatest accomplishment is getting up to 10 on flappy bird.
Why is it called `after dark`, when it is really after light
Pro tip: Go the the gym on one of those 1 day free passes, take 365 selfies then post one every day.