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Thought I saw a kangeroo today turned out to be a greyhound taking a dump !
Is glad Christmas is near i sure need new coloring books and crayons ..
Just joined the support group Hokey Pokey Anonymous ... A place to turn yourself around. ;)
Guy tip of the day: To avoid arguments about the toilet seat, use the sink...
I wish I was as fat as the first time I thought I was fat.
Tip of the day: When the cop asks you if you had anything to drink in the last 24 hours, do NOT ask them for the time... trust me
You`re the reason why I believe in condoms.
My husband told me that in some cultures women do all the housework, so I told him in some cultures blow jobs don`t exist. He`s vacuuming.
I would just like to personal thank all the people in my life that have caused me so many problems, for making me the as$ I am today!
Home is where a man hangs his hat. Unless that man is wearing a sun visor. Then he probably dosent have a home or friends..
I didn`t fall. The floor just needed a hug.
Just once, I`d like to clock out from work by sliding down a dinosaur.
I keep an identical glass of vodka next to the water on my bedside table for a refreshing morning game of Russian Roulette
Are you bored? Go to someone`s Facebook wall, Scroll down 4 months and like something.
The best part about growing old with you is that I`ll always be the younger one.