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Since you were smiling when you tazed me, I`m guessing we still have a chance.
Long story short, I love summaries.
Why don`t we ever hear anyone bragging about their Allstate safe driving bonus checks?
I have no fear of heights. I do, however have a fear of falling from heights.
I`ve been hiding from exercise. I`m in the fitness protection program.
New word of the day: Stupidiot!!
I`ve just invented an invisibility cloak; anything under it is rendered completely invisible. I`m still working out the kinks; you can still see the cloak itself
Eventually, the entire written English language will be taken over by emoticons. Teenage girls will bring us back to Egyptian hieroglyphics.
Sometimes just to annoy my therapist, I ask him, "So how does my lack of progress make you feel?"
If you feel like you’re about to punch someone, take a deep breath. Then exhale as you punch to get more power.
Take time to reflect upon your day. Think of all the blessings you received, and everything you may be called to testify about :)))
And the day after Christmas has revealed that the holiday is just an elaborate ruse to get you home to fix your parents computer problems.
I never cry over spilt milk. But, beer? That sh!t`s totally different.
Being a parent means often saying your child is shy rather than "he sees how creepy u are, that`s why he doesn`t want to shake your hand".
Home is where the alcohol is.