Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I hate it when people beg for likes, like if you agree?
It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.
I have my own version of Whole Foods, where I eat the Whole Pizza, Whole Box of Donuts, Whole Bag of Chips...
Things to do today.....pet all the spiders in my house at least twice with my shoe.
Don`t give me a sec, give me lots of secs.
I’m really bad at measuring the correct amount of pasta when cooking, so if you and 79 of your friends want spaghetti tonight…I got extra.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Its ironic how the colors Red, White and Blue represent freedom... until they are flashing behind your back.
One way to know if someone is lying to you is if their facial mole is in a different place every time you see them
Alcohol-The best night time: slurring, headache, dehydration, drink spilling, charm killing, so you think you can dance medicine.
I really like that machine at the gym where you put money into it and snacks come out.
I don`t know if my stomach is growling cuz I`m hungry or if that`s my liver crying cuz it`s the weekend.
I just ate a Cheeto that melted perfectly in my mouth! It was Awesome! ....Until I realised that was the highlight of my day.
Are there actually people who get out of the shower to pee? I want to meet them.
When you are dead, you don`t know you are dead. It`s pain only for others. It`s the same thing when you are stupid.