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I don`t hate you. I just hope your next period happens while you`re in a shark tank!
When you write misspelled backwards it`s misspelled.
This is the earliest I have ever been late.
I bet now a lot of doctors are going to be reluctant to respond to “Is there a doctor on the plane?”
Any fool can use a computer ... Many do
Single women come home, see what`s in the fridge and go to bed...while married women come home see what`s in the bed and go to the fridge.
Remember before the internet when all the people at the video store knew you watched porn alone on Saturday mornings
I would offer moral support ... But my morals are questionable.
Goodnight, good people - and nite nite to the naughty ones too!
I don`t have a drinking problem ... I`m just really thirsty.
My New Years Resolution for 2015 is to stop being so impatient.
Opinions are like a$$holes: some people make money by posting them on the internet.
"Wish You Were Beer!" Wait...no...that`s right...send.
Does running away from your problems count as exercising? If it is, then I`m one hell of a fitness freak
The ultimate home security system is just having crappy stuff.