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I have many thoughts. I just can´t remember any of them.
One would have to assume that Amish chicks carve their own sex toys.
Parts of a worm: 1) Worm
Junk food would be a lot easier to avoid if it actually tasted like junk.
Did you ever think that one day you would be this addicted to reading and writing?
Three weeks without a signal typo!
I’m going to start telling girls that I’m available for a limited time only in hopes that their shopping instinct kicks in.
Nothing screams "I don`t care about being on time for work" like hopping on Facebook first thing in the morning.
I have an inferiority complex about my superiority complex. I know I`m better than you, but I feel really bad about it.
Dearest Neighbors, Please do not call the police, it`s not domestic violence or a wild party. It`s football season, that`s just me screaming at my TV.
It’s getting harder and harder to find vodka-flavored vodka.
Sometimes I have to tell myself, "It`s not worth the jail time!"
I’m glad you spent $80 on makeup to look like a $5 whore. Well done
Learn to fight like you`re the third monkey trying to get on the Ark!
Wow, it`s beautiful outside. I should probably do something. Like close the blinds so there isn`t a glare on my screen.