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Was sitting and doing nothing. Then I realized I could be sitting and doing nothing on Facebook. So here I am.
They say the camera adds 10lbs. Stop eating cameras!
I`d hate to be a dragon .....I`d get so pissed tryin to blow out my birthday candles.
We all have that funny voice we use when talking to dogs, babies... and idiots!
A cop just pulled me over -- asking if I knew my tail light was out? I said, `Uh uh. I drive on the inside of my car`
Sometimes I wish that I could put my wife on airplane mode.
Have you ever laid down in bed and start thinking.. Where the hell are my pants!!??
I thought about cleaning my room this weekend but didn`t do it. Then I remembered its the thought that counts so I feel better now
Where there`s a will I want to be in it
Cop cars should play the jaws theme song
Tampon commercials create an unrealistic expectation of how much fun it is to be around menstruating women.
If the universe didn`t want me to eat four pop-tarts for breakfast I wouldn`t have four slots on my toaster...
The one thing you can always count on is your fingers.
?"Cheating" is such a strong word. I rather call it "talent scouting".
I am really getting tired of every time I go out people use me for my body. You know, to shade them from the sun and all.