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Sometimes, I use big words I don`t always fully understand in an effort to make myself sound more photosynthesis.
You can make your life more entertaining by simply reaching out, and getting to know a whore.
What do you call a guy who makes "Woman in the Kitchen" jokes? Single.
Time flies when you’re having a drunken blackout.
I need to unbutton my pants just thinking about how much I’m going to eat this week.
Last year in college football Alabama beat Arkansas, Tennessee, and Auburn. Those teams coaches all resigned. Any chance of Alabama playing agsinst the White House this year?
I wonder how many people die each year from lifeguards running in slow motion?
I don`t know about you . But everytime I go on Twitter , I get this weird feeling , I am being followed.
I wish "it`s the thought that counts" worked for housework.
Wouldn`t it be great to revive the old "Mutual Of Omaha`s Wild Kingdom" show, but with a new setting? Like a WalMart Store in Kentucky?
Wish some of my co workers weren`t allowed in the break room... Because that`s who I usually need a break from.
I found a real money maker in selling homing pigeons....... So far this month I sold mine 4 times.
Guys, freedom of speech doesn`t mean you can spell things any way you want to.
My new credit card has this awesome theft protection where it just says "declined" whenever you use it.
Life is like a bowl of soup; you only get blown if you’re hot.