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Is it called NASCAR because that’s the way a hillbilly pronounces “nice car?”
The easiest way to get over someone is with a steamroller.
with great power...comes great electric bill...
Ermegerd! I WON EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH!!!!! Again! I love being self employed..
These people keep looking at me like I`m the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I`ve been working with this alcohol free program for like six months and it`s really taken a toll on me ... I mean, I`m broke and as far as I`m concerned, they can buy their own alcohol.
Life is basically one long, terrible date with yourself.
I love sleep ... it’s like a Time Machine to Breakfast.
I wish banks would do a better job of keeping their ATMs filled. This is the fourth one I`ve been to that is saying "Insufficient Funds."
Life is hard, it`s even harder when your stupid.
Pretty sure airport food was priced by children just learning about numbers. "Ok Brian, how much should this apple cost?" SIXTY TWO DOLLARS!!
A company has announced a new service where you carpool with strangers. It`s a new cutting-edge technology called "taking the bus."
New Game: Attach a mustache to your TV. Drink every time it lines up with someone`s face.
I’m watching this show on stalkers, still haven’t seen any of you yet.
I’m bored, think I’ll go to the mall, find a great parking spot, sit in my car with my reverse lights on for awhile.