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Sometimes late at night, I dig a hole in the back yard to keep the nosey neighbor`s guessing.
The hardest part about being rejected is that I end up liking them even more as a person for their ability to make great decisions.
The worst part about calling in for a sick day is the pressure of knowing you only have one shot to do the “I’m sick” voice.
I bet more people would call the Gambling Addicts Helpline if they made every 5th caller a winner.
Driving with your gas tank door open is the equivalent to having your zipper down.
If someone tells you “it’s better than sex” they’re not doing the sex right.
I`m at my most likable before you get to know me.
Unless you fell off the stairmaster and a barbell fell on your face... no one wants to hear about your workout.
Hangman was my favorite childhood learning game that promoted hanging someone for a wrong answer.
I believe in karma which means I can do bad things to people all day long and just assume they deserve it.
REPOSTED~WARNING~PLEASE READ! If someone comes to your door and asks you to remove your clothes,and dance with your arms in the air...~DO NOT DO THIS....~It is a SCAM~...They just want to see you naked....I wish I had known this yesterday....I feel so stupid now
Is it ok to ask a very pregnant librarian if she`s overdue?
You`d think the self checkout lanes would have more mirrors.
It truly bothers me how many people would marry someone just for their money. Because I`m trying to do that & you`re lowering my chances.
I wanna lie on the floor and not think for a month or two.