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For Valentine`s Day my wife wanted to.... well, you know. It started with her handcuffing me to the bed. And for three solid hours she watched whatever she wanted on television
word of the day: nincomtard
I just want to buy an old Mercedes Benz,so people will think I have been rich for a long time.
I hope I die alone. I mean, you`d have to be a pretty big jerk to hope others die with you.
Does anyone know when is the cut-off date to stop wishing someone Happy New Years?
Will you go with me to my therapist tomorrow? He thinks I`m making you up.
Was late to my first Fight Club last night so missed the intro rules. Still, Fight Club was brilliant and I`d highly recommend Fight Club.
No matter how much you push the envelope - it`ll still be stationery.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man
"I get knocked down, but I get up again, You`re never gonna keep me down" ~Bowling pins
The coolest tourist attraction in the world is the Sistine Chapel, because it`s full of ceiling fans.
I once shot a man with a paintball gun just to watch him dye.
I have an eating disorder; I`m about to eat dis order of fries, dis order of wings, and dis order of nuggets.
Chip clips are for quitters.
How can they have a Facebook group called Facebookers Anonymous? That`s like trying to hold a successful AA meeting in a bar.