Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
How to find the perfect husband: Play monopoly with him. if he chooses the iron, he`s the one
I DON`T UNDERSTAND IT! WHY THE F*CK WOULD SOMEBODY BREAK INTO A HOUSE JUST TO STEAL A REMOTE CON - Never mind, I found it.
If it wasn’t for caffeine I wouldn’t be a functioning member of society.
So many feelings today. Mostly hunger.
My workout plan really only consists of me wandering around in parking lots because I forgot where I parked...
What if the lightbulb had never been invented? How would we know when someone has a really good idea?
If you were born in September, it`s pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a BANG
I can`t believe we made a movie that is essentially giving the apes a blueprint on how to take over the Earth.
I’m not sure why, but to me Cheerios sound like the happiest of all circular shaped cereals.
For every idiot proof system devised, a new and improved idiot will arise to overcome it.
Don`t be sad, laundry. Nobody is doing me either.
Maybe I`m not stalking you, maybe I just like your schedule
Most of happiness just comes from staying away from idiots.
Someone stole my identity and returned it 10 minutes later.
I think a clear conscience is really just memory loss.