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When a bird hits your window have you ever wondered if God is playing angry birds with you?
Letβs get naughty and save Santa the trip.
"And then I rented a monster truck and drove it through their f*cking house!" - How all my stories would end if I was a billionaire.
Can you imagine if Facebook just decided to shut down and you see all these confused teenagers coming out of their house squinting at the sun/
The most misinformed people think they know all the facts.
I hate when our cat runs into the room, hisses at an empty chair then runs back out and I end up in the bathtub holding a crucifix.
Was asked what I look for in a relationship. Apparently, "A way out" wasn`t the right answer...
this guy with binoculars has been watching me watch him with binoculars and i don`t know who`s winning
Iβd be 100x more motivated if Samuel L. Jackson yelled at me to get things done.
Seems like 2013 was just yesterday.
I like to fill my medicine cabinet with marbles before I invite people over.
My neighbour has diabetes and now she won`t make me cupcakes anymore, its like bad things always happen to me.
Might wake up early and go running but I also might win the lottery, the odds are about the same
Head and Shoulders should make a body wash called Everything Else
awesome collection!