Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I don`t know who I feel more sorry for.. myself for never being able to find where I parked my car?.. or the poor bastards following me through the parking lot hoping to take my parking space...
Prostitution must be a hole sale business.
The only technique I`ve mastered from watching cooking shows is screaming and swearing at everyone in the kitchen.
I like to keep my friends close, and my attractive friends even closer.
I`m confused, oh wait, maybe I`m not.
If you`ve ever watched a butcher wrap pork chops, you`ve seen me wrapping Christmas presents.
Really discouraging that there`s still bald people in sci fi movies.
A simpler, more believable theory is that all the dinosaurs got married and just quit having sex all together.
“But I read somewhere…” -me about to make some sh!t up.
Apparently everyone was too high in the 70`s when Grease came out to notice that every "student" at Rydell High looked like they were 35
I will never admit to my parents that I don’t believe in the Easter Bunny or Santa as long as I still get presents and candy.
A female mantis kills the male after sex. That used to seem cruel, but now that I`m married with kids I think the male mantis gets off easy.
Insanity does not run in my family. It strolls through, taking it`s time and getting to know each one of us personally.
This guy at the gym just did 3 sets of selfies.
Ladies, don`t date him just because his dad has a yacht. Date the dad.