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Iām sorry Iām late. I saw a drawing of the sun wearing sunglasses and spent 4 hours wondering what the f**k he was protecting his eyes from.
I`m horrible with women. Probably because I only know like 3 shades of gray.
Facebook. Where people can express thoughts that otherwise might get them fired, divorced, thrown in a loony bin or all three.
Got a cat the other day. Had to swerve to get it, but I got it!
Wow! it`s late.. I need to hit the sack........ Then go to bed.
Last year I won a $50 gift card to Chili`s at a Christmas raffle. ...... This year I`ve decided my Secret Santa gift is going to be a $14.37 gift card to Chili`s.
Any guy can seem cool on a motorcycle. If you really want to know what kind of man you`ve got, watch him walk through a spider web.
Some people need a shock collar. I need the remote.
On cold mornings like this I just tell outrageous lies and hope my pants catch fire.
When girls flash its called, "girls gone wild" when men flash its call ... "America`s most wanted"
Billion dollar idea: Make a prescription drug that gets rid of the side effects of all the other prescription drugs.
If women kept their feelings to themselves would they explode? Guess we`ll never know.
I`m not ignoring your calls, I just love my ringtone.
I just want to alternate between napping and eating all day everyday while getting attention, so basically I just wish I were a dog.
Volleyball is just a more intense game of "Don`t let the balloon touch the floor"