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life is unfair theres 6 days between monday and sunday but only 1 between sunday and monday
Instead of cleaning my house I just watch an episode of hoarders and think " Wow my house looks great"
I prefer to be crazy and happy rather than normal and bitter......
People are always much more interesting before you get to know them.
Technology is outpacing my ability to come up with convincing lies that I didn`t get your message.
I would eat a lot more healthy food if it required no preparation or stayed fresh as long as junk food.
My life has a great cast, but I can’t figure out the plot.
If you’re having second thoughts, you’re two ahead of most people.
Women have closets full of `I have nothing to wear.`
If people rode their spouses like they did their brakes the divorce rate would drop drastically.
when I`m quiet, strangers look at me and think I`m shy. People who know me think: OMG! he`s thinking! EVERYBODY RUN!
"Did you know that life is a sexually transmitted disease with a 100% fatality rate?"
Have you ever realized that sleeping is just your eyes staring at your eyelids all night long?
Why the hell isn`t the iphone`s battery life called "Apple Juice."
When your Dr. says "I`ll need to Google that"..... it`s time to change Doctors