Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Every semicolon I have ever used has been a complete guess
I never got the expression "complete idiot". Is there an Incomplete version?
Somedays I feel like running away. Then I remember how much I hate running.
People all around the world are out doing interesting and productive things right now. You are reading this.
Men are like lottery tickets. Very exciting at first, until you scratch away the surface to reveal the loser beneath.
Social experiments where skinny people wear fat suits teach us to be nicer to fat people because it might be a skinny person in a fat suit.
I hate when I walk into the kitchen for food and only find ingredients.
I just realized that when I murder someone my neighbors will describe me as "quiet"
Big shout-out to slugs for doing everything a snail does but without a helmet.
I`d be the stripper that got fired for eating her way out of the cake instead of jumping out of it.
I guess the teachers went back to school. The bar was nearly empty this morning.
My goal today is to turn actions into thoughts.
Always carry a knife. You never know when cake might happen.
Someone stole my identity and returned it 10 minutes later.
The moment you empty your vacuum cleaner is the moment you become a vacuum cleaner.