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So much of my day is just keeping myself distracted until it`s time to eat again.
We have those sticky traps all around the house and I just found one moved clear across the room with all sorts of hair on it....so if anyone see`s a BALD mouse running around, it belongs to me
It`s impossible to look like a bad ass while eating a snow cone.
In light of recent events, I have no choice but to deduct a full star from my Yelp review of Earth.
Boy if these walls could talk I`d be like "HOLY SH!T TALKING WALLS"
Drunk people are the only honest ones left.
After much thought and careful consideration, I`ve decided not to do a damn thing today.
No one in my family has ever actually used the Olive Garden gift card. We just keep passing it down from generation to generation.
Paused Willy Wonka and The Chocolate Factory to go buy a Snickers. This is why I can`t watch Breaking Bad.
I`ll go to great lengths to scavenge other devices for batteries, before I will go out to buy new ones
Home is where a man hangs his hat. Unless that man is wearing a sun visor. Then he probably dosent have a home or friends..
My "To Do" list today only had one entry: "Nothing". And it took me all day to finish it!
You`re telling me, a chicken fried this rice
According to the 19 citations I got for trespassing and peeping, “neighborhood watch” isn’t what I thought it was.
Don´t you just hate it when people say stuff in their status that you really didn´t want to know? I hate that. Anyway, I gotta go poop.