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Cubic Zirconium`s slogan should be: Guys can fake it too!
My inner self is in Photoshop
Nothing embarrasses psychics more than throwing them a surprise birthday party.
Repeat after me: It doesn’t matter how big the problem is, posting it on Facebook won’t solve it.
If you want a successful relationship, find someone who likes the same thermostat setting that you do.
Finally down to my pre-pregnancy/pre-kids weight...well...before my wife had kids I mean.
That awkward moment when you realise you have way more internet friends than real friends.
A lot of people seem to forget their other four fingers when waving to me.
Just saw a car at McDonalds take 4 tries to get lined up in a parking space. I`m not judgmental, so I won`t assume what sex she was.
Key to a Happy Life: Get a job where people ask, “You actually get paid for doing this?”
Just tore the tag off my mattress and there’s nothing the feds can do about it. MUAHAHAHAHA!!!
The reason why women will never be the ones to propose is because as soon as she gets on her knees, he will start unzipping his pants
One of these days I’ll realize that leaning forward in my car while accelerating does not make it go any faster.
Why do people at home on TV have their pants on?
My husband told me he needed more space ... So I locked him outside.