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I told you I was trouble. You should have listened to me instead of staring at my boobs.
Cubic Zirconium`s slogan should be: Guys can fake it too!
You can tell yourself that Sesame Street is educational but Cookie Monster has lived there for like 40 years and still can`t conjugate verbs.
Remember if you ask me to put sun lotion on your back, I am definitely drawing something dirty while I`m back there.
First world problems: I couldn’t hear the TV so I had to stop eating chips.
Fitbits are just like Tamagotchis, except the stupid little creature you have to keep alive is yourself.
Let’s all agree to stop saying “I read about it somewhere” and admit that we saw it on Law and Order.
Hey rumor has it, that if you look up from your phone you can see all kinds of pretty colors in the trees this time of year.
I can`t afford to go on vacation these days,so I just drink until I don`t know where the duck I am or how I got there.
Instead of going to Starbucks, I make my own coffee, yell my name out incorrectly, and then light a $5 bill on fire.
When Miley is naked & licks a hammer it’s “art” & “music” ... but when I do it, I`m “wasted” & “have to leave Home Depot"
"Someday, your phone will cost more than your computer" - said no one ever.
It takes about 2.9 seconds for me to go from “this is the best day ever” to “I want to stab every person on planet Earth.”
1) Second. 2) Minute. 3) Hour. 4) Day. 5) Week. 6) Month. 7) Year. 8) Decade. 9) Century. 10) Millennium. 11) Women buying clothes.
Alright, I give up! I`ve listened to the song like 50 times now, and I still don`t know what the fox is saying!