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When I say "I cleaned my room", I usually mean I made a path from my door to my bed.
never be afraid to wipe twice
If it`s true that opposites attract, I should be looking for someone that gets up early and does stuff
Whenever I screw up at work, I`m so glad I`m not a doctor.
Guns don`t kill people. Girls who get tagged in a photo before they get a chance to see it kill people.
Now what`s funny is "Si" from Duck Dynasty
When all else fails… Pizza & Beer.
"Why yes, I`d love to be a thousand pounds." – my brain when I see a box of donuts
If I agreed with you we´d both be wrong.
Sometimes Google should just come back with a message that says “trust me, you don’t want to know.”
If you lack motivation, get on treadmill naked in front of mirror.
If nobody hates you, you are doing something boring.
Have you ever noticed that the & symbol looks like a guy dragging his butt across the floor?
I`ve created a new gym to help with the child obesity problem. There is no building, I am just slowly driving around neighborhoods in an ice cream truck without ever stopping.
You mean you can actually put the cork back in a wine bottle? WHY!!??