Daily Silly Status

I just called. To say. I texted you.

I don`t smoke,i don`t drink,don`t do drugs. I only have one small problem, i lie.

when life gives you lemons; ask for tequila and salt

I went to McDonald`s to grab my boys a couple of Happy meals. The guy serving me says "Would you like a Boy Toy"? I was like, "listen hear you little sh!t, you couldn`t handle me if you tried"!! What is this world coming too... :))

Stumbled into bed late last night. "You`re drunk," she said. "AND, you live next door."

I used to wake up feeling like a million bucks. Now I wake up feeling like a bounced check.

Never call a woman crazy because she will say, "I`m not crazy!" and then go and do something crazy. Probably with matches.

Judging from the bar receipts, ATM withdraws, hand stamps, and the glitter in my car, I now realize I`m a ball of fun when I black out.

My predictive text dictionary doesn’t have “tsunami”, so if you ever get a text from me that says “trumang” start running.

It never ceases to amaze me that the little space between the driver’s seat and the center console in my car will fit any object that can possibly be dropped, but will not fit a hand.

Fun game: Borrow some tools from your neighbor and return them one by one covered in blood until they move.

Screw it, just add another blade." -Gillette marketing concepts.

pens and pencils are drumsticks and desks and textbooks are drum kits. its a fact.

Sometimes the most spiritual thing you can do is go to bed.

I feel sorry for men who don’t know how to value women. One look at a woman and I know how much she will cost me.