Daily Silly Status

I`m not allowed to have any energy drinks until all the cat`s hair grows back.

I once tried sniffing coke, but the ice cubes kept getting stuck up my nose.

HardCoreStrategy 22 hours ago 6 3? Guys are? in a cafe. The first guy says "I?? have the smallest arm in the? world." The second guy says I have the?? smallest head in? the world." The third guy says I have the smallest d^ck in the world. They all? go to? the Guinness Book of World records. The? first? guy comes back and says I really? have the smallest arm in the world. The seconds guy? returns and? says? I have the smallest head in the world. The third guy comes back? and angrily?? says WHO? T

I think for Halloween I am going to go as Karma. Some of you should be worried.

I won’t come to your party unless you have an animal I can spend the whole time hanging out with.

I have officially bought the first batch of Halloween candies that will not make it to Halloween.

Sometimes the smartest thing you can do is play dumb.

Alcohol: Because no good story starts with “So this one time I was eating a salad….”

I don’t mind going to work. It’s that eight-hour wait to go home that bugs me.

Merry Christmas (I apologize if you`re not Christian). Happy Hanukkah (I apologize if you`re not Jewish). Happy Holidays (I apologize if you`re not happy).

What idiot decided it should be my foot`s asleep instead of coma toes?

I`m disgusted by the thought of people updating their status while sitting on the toilet like I am right now.

Whenever I fill out a job application with a box for "Race," I add a question mark and then write, "Anytime. Anywhere."

While it was raining today, I thought for fun I would run out there and scream "I`m melting I`m melting!"

Went by the bank today and the female teller was flirting with me which was weird considering she saw my account balance.