Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My driver`s side window stopped working,,,, So yeah,, I`m probably gonna starve to death..
If a dentist makes money off people with unhealthy teeth, why should I trust a toothbrush that 4 out of 5 dentists recommend?
Just came to the realization that with their ridiculous fees, I`m tipping my ATM more than my bartender.
It`s crazy that your brain can calculate where to put your hand to catch a 98 mph fastball... But won`t keep your mouth shut when a woman is angry
All my bills say "outstanding", I guess that means I`m good to go!
Got arrested at the airport last week. Apparently, security doesn`t appreciate it when you call "shotgun" before boarding a plane.
I regret buying that straight jacket now. I thought it would look good on me but I just couldn`t pull it off...
I was raised on the streets is more manly than saying I grew up watching Sesame Street.
Whoever invented the 5 day work week and 2 day weekend can suck my a**!
The best thing about hand sanitiser is that when you put it on, it looks like you are plotting to take over the world.
Adult: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.
The truth might set you free, but lying might keep you out of jail.
If there’s one thing that having kids will teach you, it’s home repair.
Some life lessons are so profound; you only need to do them one time. Putting Icy Hot on my balls, for example …
If banks were as fiercely regulated as McDonalds breakfast cut off time, there’d be no problems.