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I wonder if "Sober Me" knows that "Drunk Me" can Breakdance?
Some people look for a perfect relationship, but all I want is a cheeseburger that looks like the ones on commercials!
Finally got my Bon Jovi Sat Nav working... Wooahh we`re half way there.
If I had to describe myself in one word it would be “doesn’t know how to follow directions.”
My wife sure is picky for someone who married me.
I bet everyone in Gotham prisons really hates the guy that killed Bruce Wayne`s parents.
Admitting you have a problem is half the battle. Convincing everyone else that they`re the problem is the other half.
"But why?" - Me at weddings
Did you know statistically you`re more likely to be killed by a coconut falling from a tree than by a coconut stabbing you with a kitchen knife.
When i see a person hailing a cab, i run quickly by them and slap them a high five just to boost their enthusiasm!
Everyone always wants to date the hot crazy chick.....Till you`re standing outside watching your house burn.
If anyone knows Phillip tell him I have a bunch of his screwdrivers.
"You`re going to love my friend. He`s hilarious." is still the best way to know you`re about to meet an annoying person.
I`d rather be someone`s shot of whiskey than everyone`s cup of tea.
For a one-way mission to Mars, we should send a blogger. Not so they can blog about the experience, but so there`d be one less blogger.