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I enjoy shopping online because at least I don`t have to act all shocked when my credit card gets declined.
I have been left unsupervised yet again. This usually leads to trouble & other bad things, please have bail money ready and keep your phone on.
The part of "no" that I don´t understand is the part where I don´t get what I want
Still don`t understand why you can`t end a company-wide email with, `Later b*tches.`
They say `No news is good news,` but I think it just means I have a lazy paperboy.
Dodgeball, but with random people who don`t know that they are playing..............
You seem like a sweat person. Mind if I lick you to find out?
Spent morning at the farmers market carefully selecting fruits and vegetables to throw away next Saturday.
Today is that day where anything you read online could be totally made up. Oh, wait, that`s every day.
What do bats eat that makes their sh!t our standard for crazy?
My wife complains about everything I do. It`s like she doesn`t know there are "Sexy singles in my area" that want to meet with me.
Dear math, please stop asking us to find your x. She`s not coming back. And we don`t no y either.
Picking up someone at a bar when you`re drunk, is like going to the grocery store hungry... You end up taking home crap you didn`t want
It’s the most wonderful time of the year… to be slowly driven insane by Christmas music.
Adult movies now available in 3D?!? Some thing I just don`t want to see flying at my face.