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I`m sure the fellow below don`t have big feet :(
Hell hath no fury like me when I’m slightly inconvenienced and hungry.
I’ll call it a “smart phone” the day I yell, “Where’s my phone?!” and it answers, “I’m here! Under your covers!”
New kitchen game: `Fridge and Cupboard Tetris`- Putting the possibility of being pummeled by a food avalanche on a whole new level of adventure.
It may look like I`m doing nothing, but I`m actively waiting for my problems to go away.
“Hi I’m an evil ghost with the ability to defy time & space, but I think the best example of my powers will be to slightly close this door.”
I made a salad with red wine vinaigrette only I left out the vinegar and the oil and ok it`s just lettuce with wine all over it. Anyhoo, I`m drunk.
When you can no long help someone, I can - said the coroner.
I`ve got my wise-ass in my smartypants so I`m ready for anything!
A fun thing to yell at a magic show is "BURN HIM, HE`S A WITCH"
This bar doesn’t know it yet, but it’s about to be karaoke night.
You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but you can`t flick your friends out the car window
There`s only one kind of exercise I know and its the beer run.
They`re all cop cars when you`re this high.
I don’t know who or what is doing it, but one day I will find the thing that continues to steal one sock and destroy it.