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For Halloween I`m going as an invisible person. I will be at all your parties.
Know why a room full of married people looks so empty? There’s not a Single person in it…
Why do bras and batteries come in the same sizes?
I dance like people wish they weren`t watching.
Of course I`m a good mother ... They`re still alive aren`t they.
Its amazing how much more tolerable thanksgiving with the family becomes after the 5th cocktail…
I might not be smarter than a 5th grader, but I can buy beer.
The only complaint I have about being married is being married.
If she is still able to walk to the kitchen after s@x , you don`t deserve a sandwich.
How does anything ever get done at the bubble wrap factory?
Just assume that we aren’t close enough for you to send me a game invites on Facebook.
Bands who can`t afford a smoke machine should hire my girlfriend to cook at their concert
Honk if you wanna see the finger
My kid go from "omg...you`re impossible I can`t wait until I`m 18!" To "You`re the best mom ever" in a matter of $100
After reading some marriage post, I`m beginning to suspect we all may have been married to the same person.