Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If I’ve offended you, please accept my apology. Then smack yourself in the face for getting offended by something on the Internet.
In a weird twist,,, The longer I stay at home,,, The more homeless I look.
Ok advertisers, for the last time. I’m playing a game I downloaded for free. So, the fact that you chose to advertise here means your product is grossly overpriced…
No matter what the product, a good way to throw off an aggressive salesman is to interrupt him and ask, “Yes, but does it work on cats?”
When you screw up, menopause can be a wonderful excuse for stupid things you do or say!!!
Sometimes words just aren`t enough. And that`s why we have middle fingers.
Its hotter than a three peckered billy goat!
Drinking: because why not intensify the feelings you`re trying to escape?
Changing a whole text message just because you didn`t know how to spell one word?
If life is unfair to everyone, doesn’t that make life fair?
Where have you been all my life? ... Please go back there.
I love arguing with you so much, I`ll bring a Ouija board to your funeral.
When a girl says: "If you can`t handle me at my worst, then you don`t deserve me at my best"... What she really means is: "I`m a f*ckin psycho."
You know it`s getting bad when the voices in your head start texting you
Nothing tells your friends you`ve made it in life quite like owning a 4 slice toaster.