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I wish I could feel as happy as an adult, as I felt as a kid when the teacher wheeled in the TV during class
Boobs are to men what laser pointers are to cats.
Corduroy pillows?... They`re making headlines!....
You can never lose a homing pigeon. If your homing pigeon doesn`t come back, what you`ve lost is a regular pigeon.
I like people... From a distance.
My bf just got out of jail. Says life in jail for him was a big pain in the a$$
Just once I want someone to make a movie that’s sideways on the screen so I can watch it laying down without getting a kink in my neck.
I`ve spent the past four years looking for my ex-wife`s killer, but no one will do it.
Sometimes you have to photoshop your life. Touch up edges, adjust the tones, blur the background, focus on yourself & crop some people out.
In honor of this years` Super Bowl participants respective States of residence, they`ve changed kickoff to 4:20 Eastern Standard time.
Just read someones status, "Today is the frist day of your life," Thats just stupid, mine was over 45 years ago.. If it was the frist day of your life you wouldn`t be able to read it... Dummy
Our kids biggest challenge will be to find a username that`s not already taken.
I can`t wait to miss the upcoming season of American Idol.
if sexyness, kindness, sweetness was a crime, You would be the world`s most wanted
Today we salute Vodka~ruining family reunions and supporting hilarious `hold my drink` moments for 50 years...