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My car is so old the high beam switch is on the floor...
I don’t have a problem with caffeine.I have a problem without caffeine.
It only takes a second to show someone how you really feel about them... the cops call it indecent exposure, but whatever
I told the monster in my closet that coming out of of there would make him gay, haha problem solved ....
At first it was "Okay" and then "ok" and now "k" and soon it will disappear and you`ll all regret it
We all have that friend who acts innocent but understands all the dirty jokes.
I don`t know why friends and family keep getting pregnant when I have two kids right here they can have.
No way I’m the only one who crosses their fingers, closes their eyes & holds their breath when checking their account balance.
Scared some Jehovah`s Witnesses today by going to the door completely naked. I`m not sure what scared them more, me being totally naked or the fact that I knew where they lived.
I can`t possibly f*ck up the entire universe, so that`s a relief.
If you see me smiling in public it means I’m laughing at the jokes I tell myself in my head.
I think 90% of the software on my computer doesn`t do anything except send me notices that there`s a new version of it!
I’m not in denial, I’m just selective about the reality I choose to accept :)
Some people pass through our lives just to teach us not to be like them.
Billion dollar idea: Meth with Flouride