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I purchased my own Taser off the internet the other day. In a totally unconnected incident, I´ve got to buy a cat to replace the neighbors one this afternoon.
I like the part of the day when food happens.
Change is hard. Seriously have you ever tried to bite a nickel?
I think I could be a farmer. Except for the dirt, waking up early, wearing overalls and planting crops. But I wouldn’t mind driving a tractor around.
Anybody have plans to stare at their phone somewhere exciting this weekend?
Saying “do I smell popcorn ” right after you fart, so everyone takes in a deep breath.
Ever since I heard that women have one breast bigger than the other,it`s given me another reason to stare.
I only drink on two occasions; when its my birthday and when its not.
I told my family that I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle…So, they got up, unplugged my computer, and threw out my wine.
If you tell me you`re giving something 110% then I’m assuming the extra 10% is your stupidity.
If your father is poor, Its your fate, but if your father-in-law is poor, then its your fault!
Honestly, I have no idea what I would even do with 5 hours of energy.
Friday the 13th is still better than Monday the whatever.
Our kids biggest challenge will be to find a username that`s not already taken.
I must have drank more than I thought last weekend...there`s an entire hour that I don`t remember!