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Ideal roommate: Someone not smart enough to know they are paying 80% of the rent.
I am sick of people thinking deodorant is optional.
Here walk a mile in my shoes. They`re giving me huge blisters.
Just watched The Grey. The wolves left half the Mexican .. to spicy??
m for Monday t for Tuesday wtf Wednesday Thursday Friday get it wtf
My blind neighbor sure does take his dog on a lot of walks...
I`ve never done any mistake twice... three, four times may be!
Maybe my mom was right all those years ago. Maybe I won`t be happy until someone loses an eye. Maybe that`s what`s been missing.
Sooooo, ..a friend of mine was watching my dog lick herself in a certain area. Out of nowhere he says, "I wish I could do that." ...I said, "Go ahead, but she might bite."...
I wouldn’t say your ugly, you are just beautichallenged.
I keep an identical glass of vodka next to the glass of water on my bedside table for a refreshing morning game of Russian Roulette
I shake my bottled water so the H`s & O`s are evenly distributed.
Whenever I get sick, I get my immune system drunk so it will fight anything.
Hey, did you know that in two days, tomorrow will be yesterday!
I don`t blame Congress. If I had $600 billion, I`d be irresponsible too.