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If I could only use one word to describe myself, it would probably be: "not good at following directions".
So if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the “Jags” and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the “Bucs,” what does that make the Tennessee Titans?
The best part about living in a small town is when I don`t know what I`m doing, someone else does.
I was on way home this morning when I seen an AA van pulled in and the driver was crying his eyes out. I thought to myself that guy is heading for a breakdown.
“Hi I’m an evil ghost with the ability to defy time & space, but I think the best example of my powers will be to slightly close this door.”
When I got divorced, we split the house. I got the outside....
When Life Gives You Lemons Don`t make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don`t want your damn lemons! What am I supposed to do with these?! Demand to see life`s manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I`m the man who`s gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I`m gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!
Its O.K. to laugh during sex … just don’t point ! ... trust me
One day, people are gonna write songs about the nap I`m about to take.
It`s all sh*ts and giggles till somebody giggles and sh*ts
You would be amazed how cheap lawn mowers are at Home Depot when you own a pickup truck and a orange apron.
Based on commercials, every single car has won car of the year.
Word to the wise - make sure the phone is 100% hung up before you call someone an a$$hole.
When I see somebody get on one knee tying their shoe in public I get in front of them, happy cry, and say “Oh my GOD, I will, YES-YESS!”
I could scroll down my Facebook page and write a country song!!