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Karma is like a rubber-band: it can only stretch so far before it comes back and smacks you in the face.
I like surprises. Not the `finger in my a$$ without permission` kind, but flowers are always nice.
If men could have multiple orgasms, lotions would cost more than an iPhone.
I don`t believe in karma, but I do believe in punching people in the face.
I’m not saying don’t trust the internet but there’s an alarming discrepancy between the number of ipads I’ve won & the number of ipads I own.
Would stiff nipples be a good name for my air conditioning company?
I just saw a woman at Walmart with March Madness teeth ... She was down to the final four.
The Internet: 1% information 1% jokes 98% outrage over information and jokes
I am not sure why a guy getting trapped in a vagina sculpture is big news...men have been trapped by vaginas for many years.
Amazing how many people just stroll into tattoo parlors and say "Give me the dumbest thing you can think of."
Of course size matters. No one wants a small pizza.
The pharmacist asked me my birthday again today. Pretty sure she`s going to get me something.
Life seemed more interesting when everyone owned a flask.
Somebody just gave me a free air guitar..... No strings attached
Don`t worry, kids. Being an adult is mostly just googling how to do stuff.