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I`m getting a mistletoe tramp stamp.
My need for caffeine is so bad I`m going to AA for the free coffee
when is humpty dumpty going to hatch?
How about a ceiling fan with brakes so I don`t have to stand there for 10 seconds wondering if I actually turned it off.
I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks. It was way too literal for me.
It`s not that people use only 10% of their brains, it`s that only 10% of people use their brains.
People who don`t understand sarcasm are awesome.
I want to grow old and disgusting with you.
A new day : the possibilities, endless. the funds, insufficient.
If your cat has a Facebook page, we can`t be friends.
Apparently, playing dead only works on bears not ex boyfriends.
Someone just asked me if I was `happily` married. Single people are adorable.
I want the drugs of the first guy who was like "DUDE, let`s carve a face into a pumpkin."
Tonight I’m trying to get to that happy place right between don’t know my own name and head in the toilet.
If people would moan loudly during a pat down, the line would move much quicker.