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Is glad Christmas is near i sure need new coloring books and crayons ..
Don`t play stupid with me! I`m better at it.
OMG you guys! Almost hit a jogger while i was taking a selfie and driving today...so please you guys, be careful, do NOT jog.
Such a satisfying feeling when “the one that got away” turns into “dodged that bullet”
The first time I got a universal remote control, I thought to myself "This changes everything."
drinking while working out...it`s called Bacardio
And all this time I thought a chickpea was when women went to the bathroom in groups.
I own a shop selling `CLOSED` signs. We haven`t had a single customer today.
My wife and I have a perfect understanding. I don`t try to run her life and I don`t try to run mine.
If I`m ever in the hospital on Life Support, don`t just pull the plug. Pull it and plug it back in. Basically, see if you can reboot me.
Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers. Nothing bad has happened, but I’m trying to be proactive.
Black Friday at my house consist of pants 100% off
Life should be more like Hockey. If somebody pisses you off, you beat the sh!t out of them, then sit in a penalty box for 5 minutes
I`m surprised people still ask me if I want to hold their baby given the number of times I`ve dropped my phone.
Whoever said you can’t “like” your own status is just not awesome enough to do it.