Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
You can always tell the guys that masturbate a lot by looking at their hands. If you look close enough you can see their wedding ring.
Hi I’m a spider & I can make your girlfriend scream louder than you can.
Maybe it`s the washer and not the dryer that steals the socks.
Apparently, you can only say "Look at you! You got so big!" to kids. Old girlfriends tend to get offended. Who knew?
I hate when I`m wearing my apple bottoms jeans and I can`t find boots with the fur.
Leave the past behind. Smile every day. Never wear underwear. I don`t know. Inspirational statuses are hard.
Admit it...Life yould be boring without me.
Dogs love you even if you’re ugly.
Guy advice #221: Starting a load of laundry in the washing machine and then starting a load in the dryer counts as `2 loads` - just sayin`!
I just sent out my daily text to a random number saying "I hit Zack with my truck. I`m going to need to use your hacksaw to cut him up.
I got in touch with my inner child and the little sh!t hung up on me.
I wonder if monsters ever get scared that we might be hiding under their bed?
Whoever said you can’t “like” your own status is just not awesome enough to do it.
I heard recently on the radio that, "If a man looks at womens breasts for 10 mins a day he will add 5 years to his life".. Can anyone confirm this?!! If so what are we waiting for?
Leave a comment if you`ve started drinking. Hit the `Like` button if you`re already sh!tfaced. *Cheers*