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You can learn a lot about a girl by ignoring her text messages.
“Over my dead body” doesn’t mean “no.” It means I get to do what I want and as a bonus I get to kill you.
Dear therapist, I might actually come see you if your job title didn`t spell out “the rapist” Sincerely, not lying down.
"Grow a pear." - How to insult an apple tree.
When I bust a move , it stays busted.
It’s strange to think that the sound of nature is the sound of millions of animals desperately trying to get laid.
The problem is not the problem, the problem is your attitude about the problem.
My shrink says if I take these pills I won`t see you guys anymore.
If you work on a farm and your job is to take care of chickens, you are a chicken tender.
LIFE always offers you a second chance,its called TOMORROW
Here’s a joke for all you mind readers out there…
Why do single women take dating advice from other single women? That`s like Stevie Wonder giving driving directions to Ray Charles.
My therapist told me I`m nuts. I said "I wanted a second opinion." She said "Well ok, you`re ugly too."
People at airports must not workout much because they are all using these treadmills wrong...
Some people are good listeners. Mostly, though, they`re just nodding and thinking about bacon.