Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Every day at work I wonder if this is going to be the day I accidentally scream "SHUT THE F*CK UP` out loud instead of just in my head.
Business Plan: 1. Hold sign that says "Free Hugs" 2. Whisper during the hug, "it`s $50 to let go"
Lazy fact #128540162, You were too lazy to read that number.
“Until death do us part” means we’re all single in heaven, right?
My son asked what it is like to be married, so I deleted all the music on his ipod except 1 song.
What a snow day inside with the kids! My one son thought it would be a good idea to fill up the garage freezer with snow to save for later and my other son had an "accident" and peed all over the floor in the bathroom. Youd think they know better at 13 and 15 years old! I probably should stop letting them drink beer in the house.
Every morning I check my girlfriends horoscope to see what kind of day I`m going to have.
I never thought I’d be the kind of person who’d wake up early in the morning to exercise... and I was right.
The worst about the weekend?? The ending part.
It`s my birthday. I’m not just a year older, I’m also a year better and prettier ... I know your jealous ;)
Happy Fat Tuesday! Join me again tomorrow on I`m still fat Wednesday
Nice try horror movies, but everyone in my generation is already terrified to answer their phones
Just sprayed a mosquito with mosquito repellant. Now, he’ll never have any friends.
Sorry I hung up on you, I didn`t mean to answer the call.
I rather read the software license agreement for my computer than some peoples Facebook status drama on my newfeeds