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i honestly hate saying sorry but when i do i really mean it :-)
You can turn anything into a compliment if you`re delusional enough.
I hear my ex is now into orgies, or at least that`s what the Craigslist ad I just posted on her behalf said.
I heard an ex got run down by a bus today. I thought "Wow, that could have been me!" But then, I can`t drive a bus..
"Who`s this clown?" - every guy about every other guy who is in a photo with a girl we like
Why would anybody put 99 bottles of beer up on a wall in the first place?
I only eat the entire pint of ice cream in one sitting so that I won`t be tempted to eat it later.
That feeling you get when you meet someone named dick....
Diamonds are the hardest substance in the world ... to get back from a woman
Hopefully because of social networking, I`ve tarnished my reputation enough for anybody to ever place me in a role of great responsibility.
Instead of ‘gay friends’ can we say homiesexuals
If there is a wrong place and a wrong time, I’ll be there.
How many instruments do you have to be terrible at before you start playing the triangle?
I`ll CUT you...!!!!!!!!...... A slice of pizza, cause I`m a sharer:)
Never piss off the person that cooks your dinner ... EVER!