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Is it hibernation time yet? Because I am 100% into that.
Salad tastes pretty good once you add some pizza and get rid of the salad.
is on a Mission. The magic leprechaun told me to follow the pink racehorse to the rainbow where the orange elephant is holding my skittles hostage
If you drink enough, your brain starts photo-shopping people.
I often worry about the safety of my children ... Especially the one who is talking back right now.
I won`t be impressed with technology until I can download food.
Doctor: Do you drink alcohol? Me: Why? What`ve you got?
My favorite hobbies are practical jokes and masturbation. I’m always trying to pull a fast one
´s status message is better than yours
The best stories ever told always end with the words”…and then I got the hell out of there.”
Guys are like bears, if you lay very still they’ll paw at you a bit then give up and go look for food.
When in darkness, pray. If you pray and nothing happens, I think it is the high time you paid your electricity bill.
People who describe things as “better than sex” are having the wrong kind of sex.
Me: There has to be a way I can lose weight! Friend: Eat healthy? Exercise? Me: No, that`s not it. Keep thinking! We`ll figure this out.
So how many pokes does it take before its considered a heavy petting?