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If it weren’t for law enforcement and physics, I would be unstoppable.
I`m trying to be healthy and grow my own food but I can`t find any Twinkie seeds. :/
I have to wonder why we have "non-essential" government employees in the first place.
Does this green St Patrick`s Day beer count as a vegetable.
K-Y should be called K-WHEN, because we already know why.
Some girls are so desperate. Who calls 3 times, leaves a voicemail, and sends a text?? Take a hint, mom.
If I told you I loved you, would you believe me or just stand there freaking out about me being in your closet?
I recently took up meditation. It beats sitting around doing nothing.
That son of a b*tch moment when you`re walking around the house with socks on and step on a random wet spot.
Call me faithless, but I just can`t believe three guys would travel that far on camels to throw a baby shower.
When I found out my toaster wasn`t waterproof, I was shocked!
A clean house is the sign of a broken computer !
Whew, good thing there`s a facebook petition for ending the shutdown, or else we`d be in real trouble.
Life is hard ... It`s harder if you`re stupid.
If you’re telling me to relax, it’s probably your fault that I’m not.