Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
When they say " drink responsibly ", what they really mean is "don`t f***in spill it!"
My workout plan really only consists of me wandering around in parking lots because I forgot where I parked...
If I weren´t such an alcoholic I would throw my drink in your face
Some people come into our lives & leave footprints on our hearts. Others come into our lives & make us wanna leave footprints on their face...
Don’t run with scissors — unless you’re stealing scissors, of course. If so, run. Run like the wind scissor thief!
I am surprised Cheech and Chong have not filmed a new movie -"Cheech and Chong Smoke Colorado"
I keep seeing studies finding fecal matter on things. Anyone considered that perhaps it`s the scientists that aren`t washing their hands?
Unless your kid`s fundraiser is selling booze, I want no part of it.
Why do I get the feeling that a lot of adults nowadays who ask kids "What do you want to be when you grow up?" are just trying to come up with some ideas?
If you don`t remember her name in the morning, take her to Starbucks.
Unplug the copier at work & put a sign on it that says “now voice activated!” Sit back & watch the magic unfold.
Whenever somebody said they did something "Like a Boss" I assume that they did nothing but took all the credit for it.
Its better to have loved and lost, then stay with that psyco for one more sec
If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, does it really have calories?
Losing weight is not working for me, so I`m concentrating on getting taller.